Big Changes

Well, belated Merry Christmas everyone. Despite being snowed in for 3+ days, or maybe because of it, we had a pretty great Christmas around here. We were all pretty spoiled this year, Junior got a mountain of toys, Jaime got a sweet set of computer speakers and an Oreck. Yeah, I bought him a vacuum for Christmas, and he loved it, here's the proof:



And I got an iMac!! I'm so completely in love. It is taking a little getting used to, but I'll get there. Yaay!

So besides the new computer, there are a few other new things in our lives. Starting Monday I officially have a new job. In the past three years I have worked my way up from a part-time student to the head of my section. I have been acting in this position for a couple months so it isn't a huge change, but now it is real. I am in charge, eek!

There's even something new in the bathroom these days. (OK, that could go so many bad directions) Junior has his own potty now! We finally decided to try this potty training thing. I'm a little scared and we have no idea what we're doing, but Junior has gone potty before bed the last two nights, so I guess we're on the right path.

As they say, the more things change the more they stay the same. With all the new going on life is still pretty boring aorund here which is just how we like it. There's been some knitting, some spinning, a bit of reading, and lots of just hanging out with my two boys and enjoying life.

I know I probably say it every time, but now that I have a computer to myself and it is in a convenient place I'm really planning on updating more often. Here's a random bit of cuteness to get you through till the next time :)

Show And Tell

I know, finally right? Admittedly I probably wouldn't even be here now except My arm is a little sore from the knitting with big needles (US 10.5, pretty big compared to the 1.5's I've been using recently). So rather than cause permanent damage I decided to take a night off. Which sort of stinks cause I am really close to FINALLY finishing this damn scarf, but more on that next time.

This post is my photo tour of the past...little while, sock style. It's been all socks all the time around here for a while.*



The Double Eyelet Rib Socks from Wendy Johnson in Seacoast Panda "Surf," finished 9/13/09. These are my re-entry into the SKA universe. With all that had been going on, I hadn't been participating in their monthly sock challenges much (or at least not finishing much), but life is getting a little more normal (hahaha) so I decided to jump back in. I wasn't sure how the pattern and the yarn would get along, but I think it works.

Funny story. Jaime saw me knitting these socks and kept saying how it seemed like I had knit them before. I had no idea what he was talking about! Until a couple days ago I remember this little number:



The socks I knit for my aunt over two years ago. Not quite the same, but still earns him big points. I'm glad he can remember...



Here we have the Dog Days Socks by Kristi Schueler in Madelinetosh Tosh Sock "Beach Towel," finished 8/27/09. This sock is brought to you by the June 2008 Woolgirl Sock Club shipment. I know the club was exclusive and all, but I can't believe more people haven't knit this pattern. I loved it! The construction was so different it really kept me interested the whole time.



Next up are my Glinda Socks by Bethany Whitney in Madelintosh Tosh Sock "Glinda the Good Witch," finished 7/5/09. The socks came in one of the Oz kits from Woolgirl and is part of my goal to finish all of the sock kits I have around here. Um, ok. I LOVE these socks!!! The color couldn't be more me. I seem to be a fan of the yarn. The pattern seemed to take forever (lots of teeny cables without a needle with teeny stitches and teeny needles), but it looks fab. Yaay!



We're really traveling back in time now. These are the Yarn Over Cable socks by Charlene Schurch in Rowan 4 Ply Soft color 378, finished 3/23/09. These socks seemed to take forever too. I like the pattern, but it wasn't that interesting and didn't even have fun yarn to help keep me into it. They turned out pretty well, and then they felted a bit in the wash. I can get them on but they're a bit snug now. These socks convinced me to start hand-washing and air drying my socks...for a couple weeks until I got lazy.



Last but not least, my first pair of socks this year. Cloning Anemone by "Team Blue Moon" in Socks That Rock Lightweight "Tide Pooling," finished 1/5/09. I am so upset over these socks I can hardly even talk about it. I made them, I loved them (PERFECT patter, GORGEOUS yarn), I wore them once maybe twice. And then I lost one of them!!! I figured it got lost at the bottom of my old closet (it was a scary closet), thought it would turn up in the move. Months later and still no sock. Makes me want to cry a little.

So, I think we're caught up now. I owe you a spinning post in the near future. Until then!

*99.9% of the links are from Ravelry. But for reals everyone is already there, right?!?

Life Goes On

I really meant to post again before now, if for no other reason than to move down that depressing post.

So what have we been up to? Well, we moved into my mom's house at least for now. I'm afraid it will always be "my mom's house" and never "our house." But it is a house none-the-less and beats the stuff out of paying rent for an apartment we can't stand and barely fit into. Junior has a yard that he loves, Jaime has a grill that he loves. I have room for my yarn and new spinning wheel (post on that to come...soonish).

And for our inaugural event, Junior's birthday.



It was a pretty small party; Jaime's parents, my dad, Junior's babysitter and her two kids. Just the right size. The kids had fun playing with all of Junior's toys and we all enjoyed the food from the grill. We're already planning a few more cookouts with friends.



I can't believe my boy is two. He is getting so big, talking more and more everyday. He must know over 30 words by now (and of course Spongebob or "pa-bob" is one of them). He loves playing with his cars, running down the hill in the backyard and watching a cartoon whenever we can get him to sit still long enough. He is so full of energy and life it is sometimes exhausting to watch, but sometimes it can rub off on the rest of us. He's still such a joy.

The End

On May 14 my mom died.

It has been over a month and I still don't know what to say. I think that about 98% of the time I am living on autopilot, in denial. The times it really gets to me most is when something happens during the day, some little thing that I wouldn't bother to tell anyone else (or couldn't), and I think about how I could tell her about it the next time we talk. Except I can't.



The story. Early this year my mom found out that the clinical trial chemo she was taking in Omaha wasn't working. Her doctor suggested another chemo that sometimes helps with Leiomyosarcoma, one that she could take at home in pill form. But it was hard on her. Things had been going downhill for a while I guess. But by April she was losing weight and having trouble cooking for herself. Jaime was already doing all of her cleaning and grocery shopping. So we decided to move in and try to help her out. Well, that didn't work out so well. She likes things her way and we never did get comfortable there so two weeks later we moved back out.



Just about the time we moved out my mom decided that the side effects from the chemo weren't worth it so she stopped the chemo. At this point she had tumors in both lungs and two in her pelvic area that we know of. Jaime and I talked and we were thinking that she might not make it into next year; 2009 would probably be her last Christmas.



So as not to worry me, in true Mommy fashion, she didn't tell me what was really going on. I knew that my aunt had been helping her out since we had moved out. One night my aunt called and said my mom wasn't doing well. We didn't know much then, but she mentioned that her long term care insurance wouldn't help because they need 90 days notice and she likely didn't have 90 days.



At this point my mom was no longer leaving the house. Hospice nurses were coming over several times a week to check in and get her what she needed. A couple days later I left work early so that I could meet the nurse when she was checking in. She said we had a couple weeks.



Days went by and my started using a cane to get to the bathroom right outside her bedroom. Then she opted for a bedside commode and stopped leaving her bedroom. She virtually stopped eating; having a half a jello cup for a meal.



On Friday May 8th the nurse said she wasn't sure my mom would make it to the next scheduled visit on Monday. That Sunday was Mother's Day and that is the day that we said goodbye. She was ready.



I got no sleep that night. I kept waiting to hear the phone ringing, my aunt calling to say she was gone. I took Monday off of work so that I would be around in case. The nurse came and told us how strong my mom was. It could be any time.



I had to go to work the next day. I would have lost my mind sitting around and waiting. My mom wasn't in the mood for company anyway. Every night after work I'd stop by to see how things were going, give her a hug and kiss, maybe tell her a bit about my day. She was always pushing me out the door, telling me to get home and spend time with Junior, to rest after a long day at work. We had said everything there was to say.



Thursday after work my aunt stopped me outside the door and said that there wasn't much time left. I still wonder what the nurse saw that made her decide that. I went upstairs to say hi and rather than being under the covers as usual she had all the covers off and an icepack on her forehead. By this point she wasn't eating of drinking and her mouth was so dry she could hardly talk. I sat with her for a few minutes (she said my hand was too warm so I couldn't hold her hand) until my aunt came up. I went to my car and called Jaime to tell him I needed to stay a while and see what happened. She hadn't told me to leave yet and I knew that wasn't a good sign.



So I sat with her. Flipping over the icepack every few minutes when it lost is chill. Finding a fan that I could point at her to try and keep her comfortable. And then I watched her take her last breath.

I don't know if anyone has made it this far, or if anyone even checks this blog anymore. But I needed to get this out. My mom gave me so much in life. Most of all, and the thing that I will never forget, was her love for me and for my Junior. I will miss her every single day, but most of all I miss that Junior won't remember her and how much she loved him.

New Year, Same Old Me

(4/143)
Happy New Years everyone!! I hope you have all enjoyed looking back at the past year and looking ahead to the next.

When I think about 2008 all I can see is how damn lucky I am. I have never been happier in my entire life. The depression has lifted. (Don't get me wrong, I get down sometimes just like everyone else, but I can move through it and past it now.) I have the most amazing family. I have a job that I love and that is pretty darn secure (knock on wood). While all around me, all around the world, there are people losing their jobs and their homes here we are having one of our most stable and prosperous years ever. (NOT that we're rich, just that for once the money I bring in is pretty close to covering the bills. It hasn't been like that since....ever.) Enough reflecting. Point is, '08 wasn't bad.

The wonderful thing about starting the 101 in 1001 in December is that I don't have to make any New Year's resolutions. I feel like I pretty much covered all the changes I want to make and the goals that I have already. I just need to act (my downfall).

Here are some belated Christmas pictures. Meant to get a post up, but I suck. Christmas was pretty fab. Jaime even enjoyed it and he is a Scrooge. Junior really helps put some magic back into the holidays.






me, Junior, and my mom or "Granny Jenny"

The List (3/143): Past Due

A quick post to say, "Gaaaah, I'm behind!" The list has been pushed to the side a bit this past week. I guess the holidays will do that. I'm behind on a few of my weekly tasks (for instance, this post should have gone out by Sunday...)

But I'm not giving up. To err is human and all that. I will just have to play a little catch up. The List must go on.

In other news, I'm also behind on Christmas knitting. So I said I'd knit Junior, Jaime and myself stockings this year. Welllll, I finished mine and started Jaime's. I just don't have it in me to stress and force myself to try and fit in another before Christmas. Junior won't know the difference, right? So now I just have to finish Jaime's. Heh.

The List (2/143): The Escape Artist

This week's update is brought to you by list item #83. take 5 pictures per month of Junior. He's given me plenty of photo ops this week with his great escapes and expert climbing skillz.


taken 12/8/08


taken 12/12/08


taken 12/11/08

So, I think it goes without saying that I haven't gotten much else done this week. I am still working on Jaime's Stocking when I have the energy to knit. The heel is turned and I just have the foot and toe left. I'm beginning to have my doubts as to whether I'll pull off ANOTHER stocking, this time for Junior. Seriously, 10 days left...

The List (1/143)

So there was this thing going around last January. You make of list of 101 things you'd like to do in the next 1001 days. Like a super-resolution. It sounded cool so I started my list, got to 60 or so, and said eh. I'm not good with commitment (except for you, Pookie) or deadlines. If I can't handle one resolution, what makes me think I can handle 101??

And that was that. Until a few days ago when I got bored (but not at work, never!) and saw the saved Google Doc with my list. I opened it up and for the heck of it started re-arranging and editing and adding a few things. I got to thinking maybe I'm in a better place for this sorta thing now. January 1, I'll give it a go. I edited my list for a couple more days and then decided that there is no time like the present and if I wait till January I'll just lose steam and quit again.

Today, December 1, 2008 is the day. Wanna see THE LIST

Things I've started working on are bold and (eventually) things I've finished will be crossed out.

One of my goals is to post at least once a week (I like a challenge), so hopefully Monday will become list day and I can highlight an item or two that I'm working on.

84. Read to Junior everyday, 51 free passes (1/950)
It is so hard for me to make time to read to Junior everyday. I know it is so good for him, but he resists (it requires at least something resembling stillness, not his strong suit) and I am just so tired after working all day blah blah blah. No more excuses!!! Tonight we read a nice simple board book Toys (tried to link to Amazon, don't bother searching on there for "toys") with colorful pictures of toys. Junior really liked it!! I got almost all the way through before he wanted to flip pages. After we were done he walked away with it and paged through it a few times alone. He didn't even try to eat it for a couple minutes. I'm so glad I started this!!