Big Changes

Well, belated Merry Christmas everyone. Despite being snowed in for 3+ days, or maybe because of it, we had a pretty great Christmas around here. We were all pretty spoiled this year, Junior got a mountain of toys, Jaime got a sweet set of computer speakers and an Oreck. Yeah, I bought him a vacuum for Christmas, and he loved it, here's the proof:



And I got an iMac!! I'm so completely in love. It is taking a little getting used to, but I'll get there. Yaay!

So besides the new computer, there are a few other new things in our lives. Starting Monday I officially have a new job. In the past three years I have worked my way up from a part-time student to the head of my section. I have been acting in this position for a couple months so it isn't a huge change, but now it is real. I am in charge, eek!

There's even something new in the bathroom these days. (OK, that could go so many bad directions) Junior has his own potty now! We finally decided to try this potty training thing. I'm a little scared and we have no idea what we're doing, but Junior has gone potty before bed the last two nights, so I guess we're on the right path.

As they say, the more things change the more they stay the same. With all the new going on life is still pretty boring aorund here which is just how we like it. There's been some knitting, some spinning, a bit of reading, and lots of just hanging out with my two boys and enjoying life.

I know I probably say it every time, but now that I have a computer to myself and it is in a convenient place I'm really planning on updating more often. Here's a random bit of cuteness to get you through till the next time :)

Life Goes On

I really meant to post again before now, if for no other reason than to move down that depressing post.

So what have we been up to? Well, we moved into my mom's house at least for now. I'm afraid it will always be "my mom's house" and never "our house." But it is a house none-the-less and beats the stuff out of paying rent for an apartment we can't stand and barely fit into. Junior has a yard that he loves, Jaime has a grill that he loves. I have room for my yarn and new spinning wheel (post on that to come...soonish).

And for our inaugural event, Junior's birthday.



It was a pretty small party; Jaime's parents, my dad, Junior's babysitter and her two kids. Just the right size. The kids had fun playing with all of Junior's toys and we all enjoyed the food from the grill. We're already planning a few more cookouts with friends.



I can't believe my boy is two. He is getting so big, talking more and more everyday. He must know over 30 words by now (and of course Spongebob or "pa-bob" is one of them). He loves playing with his cars, running down the hill in the backyard and watching a cartoon whenever we can get him to sit still long enough. He is so full of energy and life it is sometimes exhausting to watch, but sometimes it can rub off on the rest of us. He's still such a joy.

The End

On May 14 my mom died.

It has been over a month and I still don't know what to say. I think that about 98% of the time I am living on autopilot, in denial. The times it really gets to me most is when something happens during the day, some little thing that I wouldn't bother to tell anyone else (or couldn't), and I think about how I could tell her about it the next time we talk. Except I can't.



The story. Early this year my mom found out that the clinical trial chemo she was taking in Omaha wasn't working. Her doctor suggested another chemo that sometimes helps with Leiomyosarcoma, one that she could take at home in pill form. But it was hard on her. Things had been going downhill for a while I guess. But by April she was losing weight and having trouble cooking for herself. Jaime was already doing all of her cleaning and grocery shopping. So we decided to move in and try to help her out. Well, that didn't work out so well. She likes things her way and we never did get comfortable there so two weeks later we moved back out.



Just about the time we moved out my mom decided that the side effects from the chemo weren't worth it so she stopped the chemo. At this point she had tumors in both lungs and two in her pelvic area that we know of. Jaime and I talked and we were thinking that she might not make it into next year; 2009 would probably be her last Christmas.



So as not to worry me, in true Mommy fashion, she didn't tell me what was really going on. I knew that my aunt had been helping her out since we had moved out. One night my aunt called and said my mom wasn't doing well. We didn't know much then, but she mentioned that her long term care insurance wouldn't help because they need 90 days notice and she likely didn't have 90 days.



At this point my mom was no longer leaving the house. Hospice nurses were coming over several times a week to check in and get her what she needed. A couple days later I left work early so that I could meet the nurse when she was checking in. She said we had a couple weeks.



Days went by and my started using a cane to get to the bathroom right outside her bedroom. Then she opted for a bedside commode and stopped leaving her bedroom. She virtually stopped eating; having a half a jello cup for a meal.



On Friday May 8th the nurse said she wasn't sure my mom would make it to the next scheduled visit on Monday. That Sunday was Mother's Day and that is the day that we said goodbye. She was ready.



I got no sleep that night. I kept waiting to hear the phone ringing, my aunt calling to say she was gone. I took Monday off of work so that I would be around in case. The nurse came and told us how strong my mom was. It could be any time.



I had to go to work the next day. I would have lost my mind sitting around and waiting. My mom wasn't in the mood for company anyway. Every night after work I'd stop by to see how things were going, give her a hug and kiss, maybe tell her a bit about my day. She was always pushing me out the door, telling me to get home and spend time with Junior, to rest after a long day at work. We had said everything there was to say.



Thursday after work my aunt stopped me outside the door and said that there wasn't much time left. I still wonder what the nurse saw that made her decide that. I went upstairs to say hi and rather than being under the covers as usual she had all the covers off and an icepack on her forehead. By this point she wasn't eating of drinking and her mouth was so dry she could hardly talk. I sat with her for a few minutes (she said my hand was too warm so I couldn't hold her hand) until my aunt came up. I went to my car and called Jaime to tell him I needed to stay a while and see what happened. She hadn't told me to leave yet and I knew that wasn't a good sign.



So I sat with her. Flipping over the icepack every few minutes when it lost is chill. Finding a fan that I could point at her to try and keep her comfortable. And then I watched her take her last breath.

I don't know if anyone has made it this far, or if anyone even checks this blog anymore. But I needed to get this out. My mom gave me so much in life. Most of all, and the thing that I will never forget, was her love for me and for my Junior. I will miss her every single day, but most of all I miss that Junior won't remember her and how much she loved him.

New Year, Same Old Me

(4/143)
Happy New Years everyone!! I hope you have all enjoyed looking back at the past year and looking ahead to the next.

When I think about 2008 all I can see is how damn lucky I am. I have never been happier in my entire life. The depression has lifted. (Don't get me wrong, I get down sometimes just like everyone else, but I can move through it and past it now.) I have the most amazing family. I have a job that I love and that is pretty darn secure (knock on wood). While all around me, all around the world, there are people losing their jobs and their homes here we are having one of our most stable and prosperous years ever. (NOT that we're rich, just that for once the money I bring in is pretty close to covering the bills. It hasn't been like that since....ever.) Enough reflecting. Point is, '08 wasn't bad.

The wonderful thing about starting the 101 in 1001 in December is that I don't have to make any New Year's resolutions. I feel like I pretty much covered all the changes I want to make and the goals that I have already. I just need to act (my downfall).

Here are some belated Christmas pictures. Meant to get a post up, but I suck. Christmas was pretty fab. Jaime even enjoyed it and he is a Scrooge. Junior really helps put some magic back into the holidays.






me, Junior, and my mom or "Granny Jenny"

The List (2/143): The Escape Artist

This week's update is brought to you by list item #83. take 5 pictures per month of Junior. He's given me plenty of photo ops this week with his great escapes and expert climbing skillz.


taken 12/8/08


taken 12/12/08


taken 12/11/08

So, I think it goes without saying that I haven't gotten much else done this week. I am still working on Jaime's Stocking when I have the energy to knit. The heel is turned and I just have the foot and toe left. I'm beginning to have my doubts as to whether I'll pull off ANOTHER stocking, this time for Junior. Seriously, 10 days left...

The List (1/143)

So there was this thing going around last January. You make of list of 101 things you'd like to do in the next 1001 days. Like a super-resolution. It sounded cool so I started my list, got to 60 or so, and said eh. I'm not good with commitment (except for you, Pookie) or deadlines. If I can't handle one resolution, what makes me think I can handle 101??

And that was that. Until a few days ago when I got bored (but not at work, never!) and saw the saved Google Doc with my list. I opened it up and for the heck of it started re-arranging and editing and adding a few things. I got to thinking maybe I'm in a better place for this sorta thing now. January 1, I'll give it a go. I edited my list for a couple more days and then decided that there is no time like the present and if I wait till January I'll just lose steam and quit again.

Today, December 1, 2008 is the day. Wanna see THE LIST

Things I've started working on are bold and (eventually) things I've finished will be crossed out.

One of my goals is to post at least once a week (I like a challenge), so hopefully Monday will become list day and I can highlight an item or two that I'm working on.

84. Read to Junior everyday, 51 free passes (1/950)
It is so hard for me to make time to read to Junior everyday. I know it is so good for him, but he resists (it requires at least something resembling stillness, not his strong suit) and I am just so tired after working all day blah blah blah. No more excuses!!! Tonight we read a nice simple board book Toys (tried to link to Amazon, don't bother searching on there for "toys") with colorful pictures of toys. Junior really liked it!! I got almost all the way through before he wanted to flip pages. After we were done he walked away with it and paged through it a few times alone. He didn't even try to eat it for a couple minutes. I'm so glad I started this!!

Let The Holidays Begin

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. I am ready to give in to the holiday season. This year will of course be different. Junior is one year older and I think he's going to enjoy getting some gifts from Santa Clause. And hopefully he won't mind meeting Santa either...

So of course there is the holiday knitting. I try not to get too crazy with the holiday knitting plans. I'm not good with deadlines and don't want to make myself insane. Buuut, there are a few things I have planned. I've even finished a few projects.


Vicki's Stocking

I'm going to knit Jaime, Junior and I stockings this year. I had talked about it last year but never got motivated. And yes, I knit mine first. I knew that the first one (being the first stranded knitting I've done in over 2 years) might be a little wonky and I want Jaime's and Junior's to be (closer to) perfect. I've started Jaime's stocking and so far I was right. It is going so much more smoothly (and quickly, that goodness).

I also finished a simple hat for Jaime. I knit him one a few years ago, but it has always been a bit big and he wanted some variety.


Hat For Hubby

He really likes is and even requested one in a bright orange. Now I just need to find a good yarn...


taken 11/27/08

Had to add in a picture of Junior. This is us after our Thanksgiving dinner. Junior ate with us this year. Well, he ate sweet potatoes at least.

So, that's all for now. I have a new project that I'm starting up on December 1st. More on that in a couple days.

It Has Been Far Too Long...

since I've posted a picture of Junior. Right?


taken 9/24/08

I think he has finally turned a corner and decided to give table food a real go. Last night he had peas and carrots and apples for dinner. Yaaaay! He's so big now. And he is getting harder and harder to entertain. Jaime and I play with him, and he has toys, but he just seems to need more excitement. My mom went with Jaime and Junior to look at cars and Junior was an angel (ok, those were my mom's words and of course she thinks he's an angel). When we're out of the house he's fine. I think he is just bored of his toys, his room, us.

Sooooo, knitting. Right. I've been knitting a little bit.







That would be palm cozy, Monkey's and Junior's blue jeans socks. They are all knit in Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sport in Jeans. I just can't get rid of this yarn! I bought two skeins for socks and only used a teensy bit from the second skein on my Monkey's. I'm thinking Junior might get his first hat this fall made to match his socks.

Ok, one more Junior pic for the road.


taken 9/24/08

I sure love that kid.

Again With The Socks

For a week or so there I was knitting something besides socks. It was between RSC mailings and SKA's month off. I knit maybe 4 inches



And then, again with the socks. First, some Monkey's.



It only took me 2 years to get to this pattern. Actually at first I wasn't impressed by it. But after seeing so many variations I caved. I'm in love!

Next, the September mystery socks for SKA. The challenge was to knit orange socks. It doesn't count as stash if I start them right away.



As far as the life that goes on between sock knitting sessions, it's been going pretty well.

We're in the busy season at work, gearing up for year end close out at the end of this month. It's been a little crazy but I'm still loving it.

Junior gets more ornery every day. He gets into EVERYTHING. I just have to remind myself that his curiosity is a good thing. He still isn't talking at all, which worries me sometimes, although everyone says I shouldn't be concerned. Aaaand the only "big boy foods" he'll eat are cheerios, cheez-its and just recently frozen soft pretzels (ok, and there was that one time I let him nibble on my oreo cakester, but that doesn't' count at all). UGH! It is so frustrating. The doctor said not to force it, which is good cause the boy is seriously stubborn. Don't know where he gets it...

Ravelympics Drop-out

I finished a sock. No, really A sock. I'm making good progress on the other half of the pair...

See, Junior decided to put his birthday right in the middle of the Olympics. So inconvenient.


8/16/08

We had company in town (in our apartment, on our couch to be precise) for a week. I took two days off from work, and we kept so busy I was almost glad to get back to work. The party was small, just my parents, my mother-in-law, and us. We had considered inviting all my extended family and some friends, but I'm sooo glad we didn't. I had estimated we would make it to my mom's at around 2. We didn't get there till 4. The day was stressful, but we managed to have a great time watching Junior open some gifts and eat some cake.


8/16/08

Happy Birthday Bubby!